We are wired to first understand, then be understood

We’re wired to work with each other to meet our collective survival and quality of life needs.

Mammals have mirror neurons that specialize in harmonizing the details of our experience with those that we perceive in others. Mirroring includes postures, linguistic patterns, gestures, facial expressions, and the like.

Picking up on “sameness” in others’ speech is but one aspect of a more significant phenomenon. Our brain is wired to shortcut to expect trust for another when it perceives them exhibiting behavior patterns that indicate that they share our experiences. One way that it does this is by linguistic pattern matching.

It’s an interesting and very common-sense perspective when you assume that we are built to survive by collaborating with others. It is an efficiency mechanism built into our sense perceptions and neurology that helps us survive.

Instead, consider having empathy for another. We humans are keenly wired to identify others with whom we jibe. Expressing true empathy for another, even when our words and tone don’t match theirs, will fire those mirror neurons and kindle understanding too.

If you really want to “win someone over,” care about them. Otherwise you are just pulling cords and levers like the Wizard of Oz.